


Recollision

by txmari



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, 進撃の巨人 | Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan (Movies), 進撃！巨人中学校 | Shingeki! Kyojin Chuugakkou | Attack on Titan: Junior High
Genre: Afterlife, Alternate Universe - Afterlife, Domestic Violence, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Physical Abuse, Self-Harm, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-14 21:21:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28802004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/txmari/pseuds/txmari
Summary: Noun. recollision, A repeat collision between two people which have collided before.- ymir and historia loved each other, but their story didn't go as they planned. ymir died sacrificing herself for the peace of the eldians- and historia lived with the guilt of it. left to a life with no purpose in her eyes. when her world spirals out of control they meet again in the afterlife.will they be able to love each other again? live a new life? learn to themselves and heal their broken hearts? the clock is ticking and someone needs to confess before it’s too late...characters are not mine and products of hajime isayama. :)this is a short completed story!! it’s roughly based on the song “line without a hook” by ricky montegomery !! <3enjoy!
Relationships: Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss & Ymir, Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss/Ymir, Marco Bott/Jean Kirstein
Kudos: 12





	Recollision

**Author's Note:**

> hey!! this was originally posted as a ten chapter short story on wattpad! so i apologize for the remains of that and the “cliffhangers” (if you could call them that) at the endings of some areas! anyways, i chose to adapt it into a one-shot of some sorts! i hope you can all enjoy it!! :)

a/n: i'm going to go ahead and apologize for the writing the first half. i wrote it a bit ago and i swear it improves a ton as it goes on! just wanted to let you guys know haha. if you think the no caps and quotation marks messes it up i might post the edited version!! -ash 🦇

——————————————————————————

baby i'm a wreck when i'm without you ~ i need you here to stay

——————————————————————————-

it felt like waking up. sleep heavy on my eyelids. i felt like i had just emerged from a nap in the cabin of the scout regiment. light hit me bright in my face, and my eyelids fluttered open . it took a minute to make out any shapes around me.

the ground felt soft and the air smelled like honey and roses, tails of grass encircled me tickling my arms, and around me lay a garden of plains stretching out as far as my eyes could see. I breathed in, drinking in the sunlight and peace. then it hit me , 

what was i doing here? where was i? 

i attempted to stand up on wobbly feet (most likely looking like a baby taking its first steps) just as i figured out my balance a cold shock ran through my body.

at first all i saw were pictures, flashing in my mind. teeth, ... jaws, the smell of titans, and the feeling of cool ice beneath my feet, the feeling of being captured, tied up. 

i always hated being tied up. i always hated feeling defeated. 

i must be dead.

oh no.

my head throned and my heart beat quickened, i gasped at the sudden realization a freeze in my chest and my sudden headache and pounding heart made me feel like i was dying... for the second time.

heaving like a dog out of breath, i collapsed on the valley floor, my arms stretched out and my vision fading. just as i slipped into unconscious i saw my freckled arms laced with various scares and pigments grasping the grass like a baby to a blanket. i was just a kid,  
ultimately useless and defeated

then miraculously i woke again, to no avail i was still in this odd dimension. gathering my senses i noticed a small figure bouncing to my location. her arms swung by her side and her head bobbed up and down as she skipped toward me. defensively, and nervously, my sense of peace and safety was fleeting as this new threat came towards me.as the female approached i heard an all most familiar sing-song voice..

sasha?

the pale girl was beaming, her mouth was curled up in a smile and the air around me felt ten times more positive when i caught sight of her face. i let out a chuckle, my nervousness fading. 

"sasha? is that you?" sasha as i assumed, after hearing her name, perked up. she fell to the ground and held my hands in her own. "ymir..." she started, "you are dead"

now i had presumed this from the start, but SASHA- the most liveliest girl i knew spitting out those cold hard facts sent another chill down my spine. 

" sasha.. what happened to you? are you .... dead? " i said almost too flatly. 

she met my eyes, her light brown ones softening and i swear i saw the smallest tear form, she let out a sigh. " i was shot by a marleyan soldier , a little girl- probably as young as us when we started training all the way back then... though i guess it was what a devil like me deserved- me and connie shot down all of her friends and family " she stated with a prolonged shrug and looked down at the ground.

i was shocked, i'm sure the expression on my face definitely showed that. what had the world come to after the jaw titan transferred?

" sasha, may i ask you one question? " i said slowly. sasha looked back up at me and nodded. 

" what about historia... what happened to her? " 

sasha's eyes went wide for a second, then softened as she remembered how the two girls used to be. 

" historia well she... a lot has happened it's a long story "

" well, i don't have anywhere else to be " i said with a  
smirk 

•••

i broke all my bones the day i found you crying at the lake

———————————————————————————-

sasha told me many things. she talked about the war, the rumbling and how everything was falling apart. she apologized for letting me get here so late, my outburst and breakdown had cost me a few months to travel over to the afterlife.

me and sasha were chatting about the future as another familiar face approached us from behind. the crunch of footsteps on the field beneath us alerted sasha to turn around. her keen hunter's instinct in her blood. a boy with kind eyes, freckles, and wavy black hair framing his face appeared. 

the air was cold, but not enough to freeze. as we spoke in unison me and marco exchanged puffs or air from our mouths. the air had slowly cooled and i came to the realization my thin short sleeved shirt was no match for the ever changing weather of this place.

the reunion was bittersweet. me and marco were never close, the same could be said for sasha. in a world where i cared about very few people, and acknowledged even less, they were background characters to me. but nevertheless me and marco were together for a short time during scout training. he was a kind boy, too kind almost, it was his fatal flaw. i never held any grudges against him and when he passed i was pretty sad. i remember the day after we found out. i passed the male dorms and saw jean laying in his bed, trying to hide his tears. poor kid.

marco tilted his head like a happy go lucky puppy and his contagious smile ran across his face. " never thought i would see you here ymir " he exclaimed with a chuckle, tilting his head back to face the sky. " everyone missed you so much, jean was devastated. " i responded. when i said the boy's name marco's trademark smile faltered. " we can tell what happens below but it really means a lot that he still thinks of me ".

i ask marco how it works up here, how can we tell what's happening on paradis down below. could i see historia? 

marco explained the process; he guided me to a opening in the ground resembling a calm lake. when you touched the lake and thought of a person a blurry, choppy, vision of them would appear. that explained the limited knowledge of what was happening below. the lake, as i called it was pitch black and resembled stained glass. quite reminiscent if i do say so myself. 

as i reached my hand to touch the surface, the ground jolted, the ground shook like an earthquake and i felt leaves hit my back and the sound of footsteps afar. i saw sasha running up to me. " i suppose i forgot to explain what happens when someone arrives from below " she exclaimed with a laugh, a response to my startled face. we ran through the field for what seemed like a few blocks before approaching the opening where i had arrived not too long ago. 

in the clearing many people gathered. two young kids, a girl with gray hair and a boy with black approached the gathering beside me. as sasha and i looked around the bumble of souls, i saw a few familiar faces. erwin and miche ran up to the new person with concern smeared on their faces. as we pushed our way through the crowd i saw a sight i would have never expected.

•••

an: isayama stated hange's gender is up to interpretation im just going to use she/they??

————————————————————————-

was it something i said to make you feel like a burden oh-

———————————————————————————

it was ... hange?

they were sprawled on the ground a confused expression on their face. as soon as she sat up a distressed erwin and miche wrapped her up in a hug. the bulky men were shuddering with tears forming in their eyes. it was quite a sight to see. hange adjusted their glasses and let out a laugh. " what am i doing here? i suppose that's what i get for sacrificing my life " at this point miche was sobbing, " i haven't seen you two in a while, what's up? " hange questioned. she showed no sign of regret, sadness, or concern. 

hange met the eyes of the concerned crowd. even though this event had surely occurred millions of times before the crowd was practically bouncing up and down in anticipation and curiosity. hange clearly loved the spotlight, as they stood up and started bowing at the awestruck crowd. i let out a laugh, erwin and miche looked like they had been hit by a truck, sasha and marco as well, while an energetic hange ran around the crowd (as they shook hands and ... gave autographs?) eventually they approached me and sasha. hange perked up and wrapped us in a hug (i aspired to have as much energy as her..) 

after hanges arrival, days passed like regular. i would hang out with the others but it felt off. it felt like i was different. i missed her. i missed historia.

the truth was that i loved historia. i know that love is a strong word but i have never in my life loved a person besides her. 

i love the way she snorts when she laughs 

i love the way her eyes sparkle like gemstones

i love how she makes me feel wanted

and i have to protect her.

but now she's gone, i'm dead and she's living down on earth. that should be a good thing but i'm starting to miss her so much that i would rather suffer and die a hundred more times to be with her than to live in bliss of the afterlife above. 

i truly love historia but i know she didn't feel the same way. she thought of me as a close friend. this internal dilemma brought me towards marco. i never thought i would fine myself relying on someone. for relationship problems out of all things! but whether i wanted to admit it or not I was always pushing people away and it was hurting me. 

i approached marco with a hint of nervousness. i was nervous. ymir the devil of a jaw titan was patheticly nervous over a little girly crush. 

•••

and if i could take it all back  
i swear i would pull you from the tide 

———————————————————————————

and i told him. 

i told marco how much loved historia and how  
it was killing me that she didn't feel the same way, and how i wouldn't ever see her again. marco sat on the ground his eyes fixed on me. that is one thing the dumb boy was good at; listening. he looked like i was saying the most important speech ever; and if i'm being honest it made me feel a bit better about letting my guard down and confessing my feelings.

" i don't want to be rude ymir, but it was pretty obvious you liked her... call it my gaydar " he spoke with a smirk

i'm not sure how i felt about that. i was confused and once again defenceless and weak. 

" marco, what the hell is a gaydar? " i cackled and reached down to ruffle his hair in a friendly way.

marco snapped his head up to look at me " YOU don't know what a gaydar is? ymir i hate to break it to you but you are the definition of a lesbian " he fell backwards on the grass laughing. his chest heaved up and down like he has just said the funniest joke ever. i looked at him like he was stupid, as he was quite stupid. 

" is that supposed to be an insult, marco you- " my sentence was cut short as the ground started to rumble. my balance was thrown off as i lost equilibrium. i stumbled backwards and fell onto my butt. of course this caused marco to laugh even harder. 

in the distance their was a grove of trees. from me seat on the ground i saw a rustle of leaves and a small  
figure leaping out of a bush. i should've noticed sooner what was happening, with me being first hand at hange's arrival and such. 

the figure was practically flying. as it came closer i made out the figure of a girl with hair the color of auburn leaves. she had a big infuriating smile plastered on her face. 

i called out to her as she passed me and marco, " hey you! where are you going? " 

the girl skidded to a halt and looked at me with confusion. " someone has just arrived, i know it's pretty morbid but i like seeing new people every once in a while " her voice was like molasses with a familiar accent i had heard a few times in the streets when i was young. 

as the girl sped off i stood up and dusted myself off. me and marco stood up and he fixed his wavy hair that had turned into a birds nest as he flailed on the ground during his incident a few minutes ago. 

we set off at a reasonable pace. in the afterlife it was possible to teleport locations under some very strict rules but i was never in the mood to look through them all and it's not like i had anywhere else to go.

i kicked a pebble with my shoe and let out a quiet sigh. marco must've picked up on it as he asked me if anything was wrong. i told him nothing was and we continued on in silence.

eventually we approached the gathering spot. like last time people were huddled in anticipation. i wondered why i didn't have this much of a crowd when i arrived, i thought, rolling my eyes. 

nothing could have prepared me for what i saw when i pushed my way through the crowd.

•••

darling when i'm fast asleep  
i've seen this person watching me 

———————————————————————————-  
the girl was tiny and frail, looking like a puppy who had been kicked. she sat on her knees. scars and blemishes dotted her body anywhere you looked. a ring of dark bruises encircled her neck and wrists. she even had a dark bruised eye that complemented her pail sickly face. there were viable tear carved onto her face like battle scars.

she coughed and even that small movement caused her body to collapse onto the ground. when she coughed locks of dull blonde hair fell in front of her face. 

there was no way

it was impossible 

historia...

the girl had to be her. the more i looked the more unmistakable she became. though faded, her hair colour was unmistakable. when she looked around her eyes were as blue as the clear sky on a cloud-less day. 

my heart shattered

what the hell happened to her.

people committing suicide often claim their bodies move on their own, causing them to stop what they are attempting. their brain rewiring their nerves. i moved without thinking. i rushed over to historia each footstep on the dirt creating an echo drowning out the commotion around me. the only sound i heard was my heart beating and the only thing i saw was historia just less than yards away from me. 

we collided 

recollision 

i wrapped her in the warmest embrace tears flooding to my eyes. i had never been an emotional person but the feelings i felt were so raw and uncontainable i couldn't hide them away inside. tears rolled down my face, clouding my eyes. i squeezed historia tight, but she didn't embrace me back.

i looked down at her to see her once bright blue eyes glossed over and grey. she was looking into the distance. she barely let out a sniffle before going limp in my arms.

i don't remember anything after that i think i must have blacked out again. people rushed all around us, tearing us apart.

•••

i awoke on a soft bed. i sat up to see hange watching tv a few feet away from me. then i remembered it all again. like when i first arrived pictures flashed through my brain. i saw historia limp  
in my arms. i saw her lifeless eyes and i felt a gripping pain in my chest. a pain i had never experienced before.

before i knew it i was out of the bed shaking hange and demanding that she take me to historia but before she could respond i heard a knock from a door a few rooms away from us all.

letting go of hange i stumbled to the sound of the knocking. my wobbly feet seemed to drag me down but my raw will powered through. 

eventually i was met with a large oak door. throwing the door open i was met with the one and only erwin smith. he scanned me with his calculating eyes and his nose twitched. his long blonde hair draped over his face like a magnificent curtain and he still had his air of authority. 

" well i was just about to escort you away, seems you quite exited " 

my heart sank, someone i had convinced myself that when i opened the large wooden door historia would be standing there with her trademark sparkle and a gleam in her arms. we would run away and live the life we were never given. 

" we'll do you want to go see her or no? the moment she woke up all she would talk about was you "

he didn't even have to say her name. before i knew it me and erwin were off towards a place he called the medical center.

•••

saying "is it worth it? is it worth it? tell me, is it worth it?  
oh-  
guess there is something, and there is nothing

———————————————————————————

it felt like time had stopped.  
everything moved so slowly.  
my heart was set on reaching historia and apologizing. i felt like i needed to apologize for something but i couldn't pinpoint what exactly. 

apologize for not protecting you?

apologize for not being there?

apologize for dying?

my head pounded with a vengeful headache. what was i doing reminiscing over a past i could never change. i needed to focus on getting to historia and then i would sort out my emotions.

like on cue, the center erwin had discussed loomed over the horizon. my body moved without any signs of fatigue and i ran as fast as i could. the building was large and circular. it's minimalist design resembled a machine engine, with lots of doors and windows serving as the mechanics. i burst through the doors of the center and erwin followed in pursuit. with a huff he guided me down one of the hallways.

it was dim and gloomy, a contrast of the hospital exterior and generally feeling of the afterlife. the walls and granite floor were polished and clean; yet an air of loss and saddens hung on them. there were no windows in sight and the farther we pushed down the hallway the smaller the route seemed to become. eventually erwin slowed down and stopped at one of the many doors. he reached into his back pocket and pulled out a key, he proceeded to tell me where to meet him when i was done talking to historia. the medical staff had determined that she did not need further supervision and i appreciated erwins choice to leave us alone. with a nod i received the key and waved him goodbye as her trekked back down the gloomy hallway.

i breathed in and exhales, attempting o brace myself for what i was about to see on the other side of the door. 

then i turned the key.

once again i couldn't breathe. the feeling of shock hit me like a bullet. some things look like they don't belong on certain situations. nobody wears a bikini in the winter, or a heavy coat in the summer. historia looked like she didn't belong.

she lay pale and frail in a hospital bed. as i opened the door light fell across her angelic face, illuminating her delicate features. feeling the light hit her face and hearing the sound of the door creak open, historia opened her eyes and met mine. 

" ymir? is that you " she croaked. even in this pitiful state, historia was the most beautiful girl i had ever met. 

" historia i'm so sorry, i couldn't protect you " as i finished my sentence i felt tears forming in my eyes. around historia all my walls were broken down. i had no defences. after hearing my words historia's face softened " no ymir, this wasn't your fault. i missed you so much " she broke down, her tears flooding endlessly and with no constraints. 

i've never been good at comforting people but at that moment i did what my mind screamed to do and wrapped my arms around her. she buried her face in my shoulder. " ymir, it hurts " she whispered.

•••

there is nothing in between.

———————————————————————————

i was working in the barn when i received the second letter. the hay bunched under my fingertip and sweat beaded on my brow. i worked to keep my mind off of the war. of course i had so many responsibilities as queen but most of the time i had lots of extra time. the harsh sun seeped through the cracks and holes of the run down barn. me and a few stray cats were the only ones who could call if our home. the barn was about the closest thing to a home i had. i moved the hay and worked on fixing it up every afternoon if i was free. it gave me a sense of security and freedom. this day was alike any other, i was fixing to head back into town when i heard a horse heading my way. 

i walked out of the barn and was faced with armin. the usually positive boy had a flat look on his face and without speaking he jumped off of his horse, gave me a nod, and mounted it, running off into the distance without a word spoken. as he left i looked down into my hands. there sat a clean white letter. 

the letter called me to meet with levi at the castle by 8:00 tonight. gauging by the sun, i only had a few hours to tidy up and meet him. i mounted my horse that was tied by the back of the barn. we rushed off into the sunset, stirring up leaves and debris and leaving a wake of dust in our past.

••• 

the room was calm. levi's words cut though the silence. " historia, i'm sure you had assumed this as much but it was suggested we confirm it with you. our troops have sighted and engaged with what we have identified as the next jaw titan. i'm sorry ".

just like a dagger had pierced it, my heart shattered into a million pieces. she was gone.

the only person i could truly trust

the one who has gotten me through it all

the girl i loved

she was dead. 

that was the moment i lost the sparkle in my eye. i stood up and slowly walked out of the room. levi stayed seated eyeing me with a look of pity and reminiscence? 

i made my way to my private room and sat on my bed. she was gone she was gone she was gone. the only person i was living for, and my hope of her ever returned had died. i looked at a mirror across from where i sat and locked eyes with myself. i looked broken. i shuddered. i looked like my dad in his final moments before licking up the titan fluid . i looked like scared prey. 

before i could think straight i punched the delicate glass mirror. almost in slow motion the pieces shattered all around me scraping my hand and arm. my emotions were blinding me. all i felt was red.

die, die, die, die, die.  
words flashed in my mind. 

i grabbed one of the shards of glass from the mirror. i was so pathetic and weak. i took the shard and dug it into my arm. pain blinded me. 

i cut  
and cut  
and cut

all i saw was red. my arm was a canvas, imperfect and flawed. covered in the paint of my pain.

•••

after that a lot of things happened. i'm not sure if anyone knew about my breakdown. armin looked at me with pity. mikasa's gaze was kinder. connie stopped joking around with me so much and jean avoided me, possibly scared of saying the wrong thing. every discussion was above me. i rarely processed what was happening. i kept a smile even though my life was slowly draining.

and it just got worse.

•••

and in my eyes there is a tiny dancer,  
watching me

———————————————————————————

that damnned smile. it was like a sign telling the world was ok when was suffering. i started to the care what happened to me. i went along with every plan set in front of me. 

i like to think that's who i found myself with my childhood friend jack. 

i didn't want to do anything with him and we had never been that close as kids. i did not love him. i loved ymir. in front of my was my purpose, become a human incubator for the likes of the world. anyone who knew me who scoff at the idea. ymir would make fun of me lightheartedly, she knew i hated babies. she would probably put her hands on her hips and lean over to get on my level. she would meet my eyes and i would be lost in them. i probably wouldn't even hear what she was saying. 

i snapped out of my thoughts as i heard the sound of heavy footprints of wood. i was sitting on the porch of the small cottage i was provided to live in. just over the horizon i could see my small dinky barn. my sense of freedom feeling as far away as the little building. our house was small and had a rural barn aesthetic. it was homey and smelled like lavender. it was nothing special but it was a place i would love to spend the rest of my life in, given different circumstances.

i looked up at jack as her walked onto the porch where i sat. he was a well built man with lanky legs and curly blonde hair that fell over his eyes when he looked down. he had hardened brown eyes and many moles resembling freckles sitting his face. he seemed like a kind man, but in reality he was no golden boy.

our problems started when i denied him the first time. his pale face had turned ghastly. he continued to ignore me for the rest of the day. i didn't really have a problem with it. i he didn't care about me and i docile care less about him . i continued on with me day, though my burdens were really starting to take a toll on me. this cycle of events continued a few times. jack would make advances and i would deny them in some way. i much preferred to rot in my own misery, though i didn't want anyone to see or know that. 

eventually it got worse, he was making me so uncomfortable and i had told him to get away. we were in our small kitchen. the air was stuffy and everything around me seemed to move in slow motion. pots and pans decorated the walls even though we opted to never use one out of our on stubborn impulses. jack grabbed my wrist and pushed me onto the hard granite table. the force sent a wave of pain down my back that i knew would leave a bruise. his face contorted in anger. " i do everything for you and what do you repay me with? NOTHING! you mope around all day reminiscing on a past you can't change. you are such a useless BITCH. " he spat. the old historia would've teared up- but i sat there stone faced, i had lost the gleam in my eyes a long time ago. then jack did something i never would've imagined, he slapped me right across my face, leaving a nasty red mark.

that night i cut myself again. it's not like i wanted to, but it's the only thing i could think of to releave me. i thought that i could drown out my emotions with pain. 

jack continued his abuse. he would give me dirty looks, yell and spit on me, and kick me while i was down. and it only got worse.

one night i was driven over the breaking point. jack had assaulted me. my mind screamed in agony along with my body. every part of me told me different things. 

i wanted to fight back but i was too tired. i wanted to run but i was too slow and weak. i wanted to die but i was too stubborn.

i layed with my cheek pressed against the cold tile floor of the cottage. jack was long asleep but i didn't move. i felt my heart beat against the ground and i felt my mind drift in and out of consciousness. i attempted to stand up and eventually made it to my feet. i walked one step at a time out the the front door, the moon and stars illuminating me and showing me a path as i walked. i just kept walking. i walked over soft grass, i walked over pigmented sand, i walked over hard pointed rocks. eventually i neared a familiar sight.

i saw the barn in front of me. it reached into the sky and beckoned me toward it. as i walked inside i saw the dim eyes of stray cats peaking out front under hay bales and behind tins of tools. the night was calm and sickly quiet. i looked up to the sky and saw the moon staring back at me. i wondered if ymir was watching me, god, ymir would never be proud of me. she would have never let herself sink this far. i slowly but surely made my way to one of the barrels of construction supplies. i reached in and grabbed a rope and tied it to one of the rafters above my head. as i delicately tied the rope many thoughts started to race through me head.

when i'm gone what will everyone think?

eren would be sad, i never had my freedom  
mikasa will be regretful, we used to be close  
connie would lose another friend  
levi would fail to protect another one of his students 

i climbed into the rafters, feeling to cool breeze of the night on my back. i looked up to the stars my life was flashing before my eyes. all the friends i had made and the memories we had shared. i rested the noose around my neck and looked up to the sky. the cool night air ran through my hair and my heart beat faster. i stood up on the rafters and stretched my arms up high. i could practically feel the stars above me. it felt like i was touching everyone i had lost, and ymir. my arms were decorated in scars- those scars painted my story.

i'm coming to see you again ymir. 

•••

he's singing,

she's a, she's a lady, and i am just a boy

———————————————————————————-

i loved her so much and it hurt. it hurt like a dull sting in my chest. my heart ached for her. and when she told me everything, a part of me was lost in her pain. all i ever wanted to do was protect her and i failed at that. she deserved none of the pain she suffered through. 

historia was curled up in my lap, softly crying into my chest. i couldn't even imagine the courage it took to tell me everything. just laying here with her was heaven. i wish i could pause time and sit here forever. i would've never imagined caring about someone so much and in this way. i pat her on the back and she looked up at me. " ymir... would you mind leaving for a bit? i need a second to gather up my feelings. " she whispered. i obliged and stood up to leave the room. just as i had turned around i heard a russle behind me. 

"ymir... i-i- i- " historia struggled to finish her sentence. she had somehow crawled out of her bed and was standing bathed in the light the doorway provided. she was so beautiful. my voice caught in my throat. i'm not sure why i did what i did next, i suppose it was just instinct- i turned around and walked right out the door. 

confrontation scares me.

i gently shut the door behind me and made my way down the depressing corridor. erwin had informed me to meet him back at the building he had taken me from. i started to walk back when i realized how dead the path was. of course some areas of the afterlife were dense and busy but i just happened to be in an area where my best company was my thoughts. all i could think of was historia. she was just so perfect and amazing while i was a mistake that lived a life of lies. i was not worthy for her. i was a commoner in the shadow of royalty.

eventually i reached the building. i noticed now that it resembled an apartment complex. vines of ivy slinked around the sides of the house and flowers sprung from cracks and holes scattered around the exterior. it was nowhere near a palace but it was comfy and felt welcoming. i knocked on the door and erwin responded.

•••

he's singing; she's a- she's a lady- and i am just a  
line without a hook 

—————————————————————————

erwin opened the door and looked down at me. " how was historia? " his smile faded, " what happened to her, if she told you?" 

i was quiet for a few moment and then i responded," she.. she's been through a lot, and it's not my business to tell everyone about it until she's ready. it's a very personal thing and i think it's too early to pressure her with anything " i said (probably a bit too forcefully) 

" well aren't you a protective girlfriend! " he exclaimed trying to embarrass me.

i felt my face heat up and my heart beat faster, we were not girlfriends- we were close friends at most and historia would never trust me if she knew i thought of her that way.

erwin must have noticed my expression. " you guys aren't dating? everyone always noticed how you two looked at each other! i think you should say something to her! it's not like you have anything better to do- " he chuckled. hange interrupted him by placing a hand on his shoulder. " well there is something we should tell you about " they said. erwin's face darkened. " erwin will you do the honors? " they said grimly.

" i need to talk to you about reincarnation. " erwin said slowly. the tension between the three of us was so thick it could be cut with a knife. " reincarnation " i said questioningly. " yes reincarnation, every 25 years we are given the option to reincarnate as a baby into the world below, i'm sorry i didn't tell you sooner, the man who held this information only recently told me and hange. i'm surprised you never questioned the lack of spirits up here. " 

" wow that's just- amazing? " i responded. i'm not sure what i would do. it would be nice to stay up here in peace but it would be empty if sasha and marco transferred. and what about historia? what would she want to do? we would be separated again without me ever telling her how i felt. erwin interrupted my train of thought, " the ceremony will be at 10am tomorrow, i know it's already 5pm and once again i'm so sorry i couldn't tell you sooner. i'm not sure if this will influence your decision or not, but i've already talked to a few people and all of the deceased scouts, including sasha, marco, hange, and me, will be reincarnating ".

i knew what i had to do.

i turned to walk out of the doorway and just as i was leaving i heard erwin say " historia was just released from the hospital ".

daylight was fading, rich hues of purple and pink danced across the sky. everyone was settling into their beds and i was running to the hospital at record speed. my legs ached and my head hurt, too many things were happening and it was too much for me understand. once again i felt weak and useless. i mentally cursed myself for failing again, but continued running. if i failed at everything else, i would push my body to get me to that hospital. but nevertheless i felt my vision blur. i fell down onto the ground. i dipped in and out of consciousness. i was out cold.

i felt a familiar hand pull me up. once again she was pulling me out of my despair, giving me a new reason to live and a life to live for.

historia was looking down at me with kind eyes. even in the fading light i could tell she was just as gorgeous as ever, and her bruises were nowhere near as visible. 

" historia! i was looking for you! " i couldn't take my eyes off of her, she was a bright beacon of hope during this dark evening and during my life. her silky blonde hair blew in the wind and she looked down at me with a small smirk on her face. 

" i need to tell you something "  
historia just looked at me calmly, preparing for what i had to say. " do you want to go inside? it's getting dark. " she said suddenly. i'm not sure if it was the hue of the violet sky above us but she seemed to have a red face. " please historia, it's important i need to tell you this right now ". my heart was beating frantically at this point. my headache had come back from when i was running and i was sweating like crazy. i'm sure i looked insane. honestly, i'm not sure how i said it. 

"historia, i have loved you since the moment we met. you don't have to feel the same way but it hurts me to not tell you. i love you so fucking much. i love the way you laugh, i love the way you smile, i love the way you always look out for everyone, i love how you keep going when it gets tough, and i love every little thing about you. i'm going to reincarnate tomorrow and i needed to tell you. you probably don't feel the same way about me but-" 

i was cut off by the feeling of her lips of my mouth. it shot a burst of electricity through me and i don't think i've ever felt happier. i pulled away out of surprise. 

"ymir, i love you too. i just never thought you felt the same way. i killed myself because i missed you too much. i don't know what i would've done if you weren't here for me".

"yeah me neither, i guess we were just made for each other weren't we? we saved each other."

the sky was full of stars and constellations, galaxies reaching as far as the eye could see. the moon glowed down on everything and in the moon's light were two girls, bound by fate and love, laying together under the stars. they may not know what was happening next, but as long as they had each other they wouldn't worry. they didn't have much time left, but together they had everything. ymir and historia had been separated by the world, their story was a tragedy, forced to suffer and die. in the end they had each other.

recollision.

Baby, I am a wreck when I'm without you  
I need you here to stay  
I broke all my bones that day I found you  
Crying at the lake  
Was it something I said to make you feel like you're a burden, oh  
And if I could take it all back  
I swear that I would pull you from the tide  
Darling, when I'm fast asleep  
I've seen this person watching me  
Saying, "Is it worth it? Is it worth it? Tell me, is it worth it?" Oh  
Guess there is something, and there is nothing  
There is nothing in between  
And in my eyes, there is a tiny dancer  
Watching over me, he's singing  
"She's a, she's a lady, and I am just a boy"  
He's singing, "She's a, she's a lady, and I am just a line without a hook"

line without a hook- ricky montgomery


End file.
